You have been through this cycle over and over again, and you see the signs, you feel the pain, it is soul-wrenching, nothing you do is ever good enough, you bend over allowing yourself to be walked over for peace and stability sake yet nothing positive happens.
Everything wrong with the relationship is somehow your fault. You are consistently told it is your fault. And you think it is.
You, at this point, have been laden with guilt and the responsibility to fix what you have supposedly jeopardised with the other party completely exonerated and free from the obligation to participate in the work required to make the relationship work.
You know what is happening is not right. You feel sick, and you are aware that you are not being treated with respect and dignity, you see the relationship isn’t healthy. You feel stifled with your psychological, physical and emotional well being not being of importance to your partner, and you are desperate for help but are not sure if you have the right to seek help and affect the change you so desire
But Why Do I Feel Powerless to Effect the Change I Desperately Desire?
You feel powerless to affect the change you desire because;
- You are being duped by guilt, robbed by obligation and disempowered by fear.
- You have lost the ability to trust your instincts and judgement.
- You have been systematically brainwashed and programmed to doubt yourself, your ability to reason and to see your reality for what it really and truly is.
- You are or have been primed to become a relationship addict. Oh.. you feel, if this relationship crumbles, there won’t be much left of you.
- Your sense of judgement has been clouded by illusions of love (occasional acts of love aimed to keep you hooked and confuse you into believing you are in a mutually beneficial relationship when in fact you are in a transaction at a damaging cost to yourself)
- You have been robbed of your individuality. Now you doubt your ability to function as a distinct entity.
- You are living in denial of your exact Circumstance.
Why Am I Living in Denial?
You are positive-minded and choose to see the best in everyone and everything.
You do not trust your instincts and have a lot of self-doubts.
You find it difficult to believe a person could have the ruthlessness to treat another individual with contempt and disdain.
You choose to believe that there is some humanity left in this person, so you hope and wait for the day they realise how mean they have been towards you and possibly make amends.
The random deliberate acts of love keep you wanting more so you disregard the collective mean experience and latch on that one positive experience, working hard have more of it. You become stuck and unable to leave.
The extremities in different behaviour, being extremely friendly and mean at the same time, keeps you in such a confused state that you spend so much time processing your experience and finding a co-relation as to how these extreme characters co-exist in one person.
They make you believe you are crazy, especially with the aid of their flying Monkies. And have you consistently denied your experience.
You are willing to do anything to keep the peace; instead of asserting yourself and calling them out, you would instead turn a blind eye, pretend it never happened to maintain some stability. each time
They manipulatively become the victim which makes you the perpetrator.
Why is it Very Important to The Narcissist That You Deny Your Experience and Live in Denial?
It makes you a willing party to your abuse.
They feel justified and see you as deserving of their ruthlessness.
You give them your power, and they have no mercy for people they consider weak.
They do not want to feel the guilt or responsibility of causing you harm, and since they prefer to relate to others from a place of absolute superiority, apologising means accepting inferiority. So denying your experience reliefs them of the feelings of guilt and subsequently empower them to continue harming you.
They do not want the guilt that comes with taking responsibility and accountability for their behaviour because they do not want to have to change because their stealth attacks serve them in some way.
Have You Noticed?
Have you noticed that each time you deny your experience, the next season of abuse is often a few notches above the previous one? The situation gets worse than the former!!
The pattern is often hideous and subtle that you have to be observant and in most cases, record the progressions of your interaction not only to recognise but understand the model.
If you want to end the cycle of abuse in your life, you need to stop suppressing what you feel. See it for what it is and stop making excuses for them. They are trying to avoid being responsible for causing you to feel bad and do not want to take a look at themselves, and they do not want to change.
Be honest and expressive about what you think and stand by it.
What You Should Expect!
They will bark, call you names, use the silent treatment, threaten fire and brimstone, launch a smear campaign against you and destroy your credibility.
Waking up to and coming to terms with the realities of your situation is the first steps to finding freedom.
Come to Terms With Reality? Please Help!!!
- You need to affirm your experience. You are not crazy. You are not imagining or making things up in your head. It is common to have victims of psychological abuse doubt their account of incidents because the abuser often minimises, creates a new version of the truth or out-rightly denies the incident ever happened.
- You need to understand and come to terms with the fact that that you are in a destructive relationship.
- You need to understand that the acts of love by these sort of people are mere illusions to keep you hooked and unable to leave. You are living a facade.
- The earlier you come to an understanding that nothing will ever change irrespective of what you do, the better.
- Understand that you have been primed and programmed to respond a certain way by default. You now have to begin to reprogram your mind.
- Know that every manipulative tactic used in an attempt to change you were premeditated and used on purpose. The perpetrator must have used it in the past and found that it worked.
Now that you are awake to the reality that you were never in a relationship, to begin with, it is entirely rational to grieve what you thought you had and worked so hard to preserve.
Grieving is a process you must you go through if your soul must heal.