For Better or For Worse

I sometimes go on social media and come across threads where women are being crucified and accused of being unfaithful and unable to keep the “for worse part of her vows” because they complained about or decided to flee stifling relationships.

And I wonder what the phrase for better for worse means to some of us.

Does the vow for better or for worse mean an agreement or commitment to sign away one’s individuality and be a willing participant to one’s abuse?

I do not believe any sane woman will willingly sign up for the worse that emanates from her partner’s deliberate actions to berate, verbally assault, emotionally or physically attack her.

I Find This Disturbing

The focus is quickly shifted to the woman as being solely responsible for whatever outcome. What about the man? Isn’t he supposed to be the tent pole of his family, a strong tower that holds it up? Does he not share in the responsibility and blam in whatever outcome there is?

Is he living up to his vows to love her, does he dwell with her with understanding as to the weaker vessel? If you want this woman to help build your home, why not provide her with the essentials to make your home.

Have you breached trust and proven disloyal by betraying your partner’s faith in you or her sense of security? Do you dismiss her personhood, talk her down instead of building her up?

We must understand that the quality of the woman in a man’s life is a direct reflection of who he is. She reflects you! So stop shortchanging yourself for a momentary ego boost.

The Worse I Believe a Sane Woman Would Expect

Life has enough worse to throw at us as individuals and as a couple. Situations like sickness, poverty, loss of a job, natural disasters, conflicts which are a part of relationships and life in general, and they can be resolved.

When the worse of life comes calling, by all means, remember your vows to love and to hold, encourage and speak life during those times, be an anchor, a place for safety.  It is inevitable that those times will come.

That is why it is vital for one to maintain a level of self-sufficiency which will come in handy and aid your support for your partner as you stand by them through tough times.

Most men who treat their partners like garbage wouldn’t dare treat a fellow man like that. They chose the weakest to unleash their pent-up anger on and to exploit.

How many of these men would on the day they give their daughters hand in marriage say to her:

My Dearest Daughter,

You were created for a day like this and today, your life’s purpose is being fulfilled. I give you out to this man to, if he wishes, berate you, verbally assault you, treat you like you were picked from the dung. 

He has the right to mess up with your mind, intimidate and humiliate you, emotionally and probably physically abuse you. You have no reason to hold him accountable for his behaviour or seek help if you feel you are in any form of danger.

You have to remain loyal no matter what. Your feelings, emotions or opinion does not matter.  Even when you are at the verge of losing your mind, keep to your vows to love and to hold, for better and for worse, until you eventually end up in a mental home or even dead, whatever the case may be.

My daughter, this is what it means to be a wife (the bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh) and help meet.

How many men can give their daughters, their little princesses the above advice? 

One thing people do not realise is that before a woman ever comes forward to make her ordeal public. You can be assured that she has had to endure so much and is probably reaching her limits.

Just because there are no physical marks does not mean the situation, it’s not as dangerous. The scares of emotional wounding run so deep, and victims do not need criticism; instead, a positive environment of affirmation and validation.

Signs You A Major Contributor To The Chaos In Your Relationship

  • You consistently offend your partner and you, due to some twisted mindset, believe that it is part of their duty to tolerate and endure indefinitely.
  • You believe you don’t have to work on your behaviour and care less about how your partner is impacted.
  • You interpreted the call to accountability as criticism and nagging.
  • You view being held accountable as disrespect, a slit to your ego and a rejection of your authority or leadership.
  • You verbally abuse her and dismiss her personhood.
  • You feel too proud to apologise when you are in the wrong because you cannot imagine your majestic self asking a lesser human being to forgive you. You instead, shift the focus off you to avoid the feelings of guilt and consequentially avoiding responsibility for your actions because it serves you.

Are you after some power over or a mutually beneficial relationship that ensures all parties are nurtured and looked after in every way?

Points to Consider!

Marriage demands a great deal of maturity and the willingness to take responsibility.

  • If you are yet to attain the level maturity required to understand that you have to be accountable and responsible, with the openness to bear the natural consequences for your deliberate or in deliberate actions, you certainly have no business getting married.
  • If you do not believe that successful marriages are built on the foundations and mutual respect and honour, partnership rather than power over, then, by all means, stay single.
  • If you have a hard time taking responsibility for your life and actions, how can you effectively assume the responsibilities that come with marriage without breaking down?

It starts with you!

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