Who Are People Pleasers?
People-pleasers are one of the most helpful and friendliest people around. People pleasers have a sense of obligation towards others but feel less morally bound to taking care of their own needs. They spend an extensive amount of their time doing things for other people. They never say no, are always available and have a hard time prioritising their own needs.
People-pleasing is self-sabotaging behaviour that encourages one to have permeable boundaries.
Why Do We Take on The Responsibility of Pleasing The People in Our Lives?
The desire to be loved, accepted, approved of and to earn the respect of others, drives us to become people pleasers.
We do not want others to have the wrong perception of who we are.
We do not want to feel responsible for the negative emotions others should we let them down.
The desire to avoid criticism and judgement is another reason.
A people-pleaser will never get the love or earn the genuine respect of the people in their lives.
People pleasers are often treated like doormats and with disrespect because they will do anything including tolerating the most inhuman treatment to feel secure, avoid conflict, negative emotions or make others happy even at an incredible cost to themselves.
We teach people how to treat us by the ways we treat ourselves.
When you consistently go out of our way to make others happy or do things for them, make sure that you are not ignoring your personal needs or you will be training them to believe that you do not matter as much as they do.
While having a considerable amount of selflessness and empathy in us is vital to empowering us to love and give to others, It is worth noting that there is a thin line between being a genuine, caring, empathetic and selfless individual who want to make a difference in the lives of others and being a people pleaser.
The former has no strings attached while the later is fear-based. You want the security of feeling, love, accepted and validated.
Tips to Overcome People-Pleasing
Understand that rejection is part of life, be comfortable with being rejected.
Know that irrespective of what you do, not everyone will love, accept and approve of you. So why hurt yourself?
Be confident in your imperfections; that is what makes us human. Our flaws! Approve of and love yourself.
Set healthy boundaries, learn to say no, set priorities for your life politely. Have a goal you are actively working to achieve.
It is Your responsibility to take care of yourself thoughtfully.
Invest in yourself as you do to others. When you give out of a depleted self, you end up resenting the same people.
Give and do things for others for the right reasons.
Before you say yes to any requests, pause and ask yourself why you intend saying yes! Be honest with yourself! If you find that your reason has anything to do with feeling secure, please don’t do it.